It turns out that sexual preferences can be programmed. You can change them. Mainstream media knows this and uses it to their advantage. Society has defined the standard of beauty and everyone follows along. All anyone has to do to break the curse is to get lots of images or restrict oneself to media that features the desired images and after a while you no longer have the same attraction to mainstream media.

Now this is what I'm talking about. I hate that it has taken so long but finally natural hair, especially dreadlocks, have made their way into sexual media. I'm sick to death of weaves and just plain bald-headedness in black porn and other sexual media. This picture was taken by Kenneth Perdomo. He is a part of the LoCs 'N' Dreads group on Facebook and uploads high quality pictures quite often.

Thursday after work I burned all of my white porn. It was an action of rage. I don't regret it.

Sadism and White People

Thursday night I was having a really hard time going to sleep because I was frustrated. I had a hold on my account preventing me from sending transcripts to graduate schools. Despite being told how to remove the hold I was unsuccessful at doing so. I ended up driving to GSU yesterday but that is a different story.

Out of my frustration came a revelation. I have previously said here that slavery was motivated out of fear and that it was a situation of eat or be eaten type deal but I no longer think that that is the whole story. Another valuable insight is to realize that white people are sadistic. That is, they enjoy the pain of others. This is not just sexual sadism but what may be more appropriately called sadistic personality disorder. The 'ailment' has been conveniently removed from the list of psychological disorders. I'm sure masochism is involved as well.

Anyway, white people aren't alone in this. Most of the U.S. population is sadistic. My thoughts are that anyone not white who is sadistic has a learned sadism. The reason I make the distinction is because I don't think this kind of thing developed in other cultures (more research is needed here) so I currently call this a white thing. I mean a very popular tv show is Family Guy and if that's not sadistic I don't know what is. Actually most popular television is sadistic. House is sadistic. Shows like Rob & Big, Wild Boys, and Jackass are sadistic. Its funny how white people have made it cool to be sadistic. I remember seeing white people in high school beat each other and laugh in turn. I was expected to laugh. I never got it. I mean that hurts right? Being in pain is not funny right? Seeing others in pain isn't funny right? Wrong. To them it is.

I've been successful at avoiding these sadomasochistic pleasures albeit accidentally. I remember rooming with a female classmate. We were both physics students and she was white. One day I realized that a lot of my jeans had hole cut in the crotch. The holes eventually grew and they resembled camel toes. I want to say she may have had some involvement in this but I can't. What I can say is that I was folding my jeans one day and I pointed this out in a joking manner saying that I have a camel toe. She didn't find it funny. I thought it would get a huge laugh. It was as if I spoiled the fun. Hell I didn't care. I was going to wear the jeans anyway as they were the only ones I had. A similar attempt of hers at humiliating me was when we decided to go to an italian restaurant. I ordered veal. She ordered gnocchi. She was going on about the gnocchi and asked me to pronounce it. I got it right because I watch a lot of cooking shows. Then she asked me if I knew what veal was. I was like I don't know I just want to try it. She hurriedly interrupted me to say that it is baby cow. I was like hmmm I didn't know that. I then said I didn't care what it was I just wanted to see what the hype was all about. Before all of my comments she was smiling. The urge to see me as stupid was strong but it died because I didn't feel humiliated. She even brought the waiter back around to ask if that was what it was. After the meal outside the restaurant I was jumping around and showing off how I could jump. Now that I look back I have to say that my innocence (hurt people call it naivete) must have been painful to watch. I remember her eyes watering after the failed attempt at humiliation. I remember her being slightly annoyed at me having fun at jumping around. I also remember how she stayed in her room the rest of the night crying. I knew this because I checked on her.

Similar things happened when I was with my ex-girlfriend. She was extremely sadistic. I remember at the time I had a phone that would light up in the presence of a magnetic field. She tricked me into thinking that her phone did it too. When she told me she tricked me I laughed uncontrollably and she stopped laughing. I spoiled the fun. I remember the time I was broke and she came over to visit. We stopped by church's and she bought herself something to eat and I got nothing. We fell out about that. She did it on purpose to make me suffer. I remember the time she was newly dating her current boyfriend, took me out to eat for thanksgiving and when we got back kissed me. She said that she shouldn't have done that but that wasn't it. She wanted me to want her back and be able to say that she wasn't available. Too bad lol. I really didn't care because at that point I knew it was all a game. I doubt she has changed much either. I remember all those little games and all of them can be explained this way.

Now of course we know why people are sadistic but there's nothing we can do about it. Sadism is something you have to take care of yourself. You can know the pain of a sadistic person and try to help them with it but it won't do any good. They have to rid themselves of the pain. I just laugh at them because I find it unbelievable that people are actually so cruel to the point of hilarity. It seems so preposterous since I have no such hangups.

Vegan Collard Greens

So I successfully made some collard greens that taste good without meat. The ingredients are:

half bag of Collard Greens
half can of mushrooms
1 stalk of celery
1 clove of garlic
1 small yellow onion
1 tablespoon ground mustard
1 can of pimento peppers
1 tablespoon of celery seed
3/4 tablespoon of paprika
Canola Oil
1 1/2 cups of vegetable broth

Coat the bottom of a large pot with canola oil. Slice the onion and saute until soft. Chop the garlic finely and add to the pot. Add the spices. Chop the celery and add. Add the peppers and mushrooms. Add the collards and stir until the greens are well coated with the oil. Add the vegetable broth and let simmer until the greens are of desired tenderness. The broth should not completely cover the greens. The heat should be medium high. Also simmer with a lid on. This makes three to four servings. Add salt to taste.

Vegan Sprinter

So I've decided to give up meat as a form of advocating non-violence. I haven't had meat in a week and three days. Its going well especially since I can cook pretty well. About four days in I noticed something. If you've been reading you know that I had to have surgery on my left knee in March 2010 and that my right knee was in just as bad shape. How about my knees don't hurt anymore! I decided to give it a few days just to see if it was a fluke but it turns out so far it isn't. I have immediately taken this opportunity to start back training if just for kicks.

It turns out that I read somewhere that when you eat meat your digestive juices need to be more acidic than usual to breakdown the meat and to reduce the acidity your body has to take nutrients from the bones or somewhere to make it more alkaline. If its true then there's my explanation for why the absence of meat in my diet has done well for my joints.

Now if I'm going to get back to my fastest I'll need protein. Well it turns out that this isn't that difficult on a vegan diet as most people think. Lots of foods have protein. Not to mention that I love beans, nuts, and peanut butter. Soy milk has grown on me quickly. I can get iron and calcium from the soy and green leafy vegetables. I've already made collard greens without meat. They weren't terrible but the recipe needs perfection. Spices come in handy. Oh yeah its actually pretty cheap to eat this way. I spent about $35 on groceries that will last me about two weeks or so.

Let it be a reminder that this is a response to the hostile treatment I've received from white people. I haven't been abused or anything but discriminated against and heavily belittled. I do this to show that I am not a savage and if given the 'American opportunity' that I will not seek to enslave them like they did my ancestors -- that is I'm not vindictive. I wouldn't discriminate against them like they do us. I'm gentle. I wish I could start a movement that illustrates that enslaving the whites is not on the minds of the blacks.

I often think that our enslavement wasn't coincidental or convenient but planned. I think that they made an effort to enslave us before we could them. Sometimes I wonder where do blacks stand with regard to other races. Is white supremacy an example of a hit dog will holler? That is to say is it the other way around? Are we actually the superior race albeit unlucky?

If you are reading I ask you to attempt to give up meat and if you are white and reading I hope you realize that black people aren't cruel in general.

As far as sprinting goes we'll see.

An Answer

Yesterday before I went to bed I was stressing over racism. I logged into my GoSolar account to request an official transcript to be sent as a part of my graduate school application. It just so happened that an overpayment issue that was resolved last year was put as a hold on my account and thus preventing me from obtaining my transcript. I knew I would have to overcome a lot of hurdles to get into graduate school. Already, ETS has jacked up both my scores for the standardized test and my job is doing all it can to keep me from being a scientist there. Luckily I should still be able to get in somewhere. I then went to bed. I had a dream.

From the dream I found the second part to my answer to why racism exists. The dream let me know that racial hate is the projection of self-hate towards the object that inspires it. In other words, a person hates one race because they associate that race with a representation of the things they hate about themselves. The other part is the fear that blacks will enslave the whites or everyone else if given real freedom. I gathered this from reading the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, particularly the following:

.... Mr. Gore once undertook to whip one of Colonel Lloyd's slaves, by the name of Demby. He had given Demby but few stripes, when, to get rid of the scourging, he ran and plunged himself into a creek, and stood there at the depth of his shoulders, refusing to come out. Mr. Gore told him that he would give him three calls, and that, if he did not come out at the third call, he would shoot him. The first call was given. Demby made no response, but stood his ground. The second and third calls were given with the same result. Mr. Gore then, without consultation or deliberation with any one, not even giving Demby an additional call, raised his musket to his face, taking deadly aim at his standing victim, and in an instant poor Demby was no more. His mangled body sank out of sight, and blood and brains marked the water where he had stood.
A thrill of horror flashed through every soul upon the plantation, excepting Mr. Gore. He alone seemed cool and collected. He was asked by Colonel Lloyd and my old master, why he resorted to this extraordinary expedient. His reply was, (as well as I can remember,) that Demby had become unmanageable. He was setting a dangerous example to the other slaves, -- one which, if suffered to pass without some such demonstration on his part, would finally lead to the total subversion of all rule and order upon the plantation. He urged that if one slave refused to be corrected, and escaped with his life, the other slaves would soon copy the example; the result of which would be, the freedom of the slaves, and the enslavement of the whites.

Now I know that I would not resort to such behavior. I don't think anyone should be slaves. I realize that I have to be forgiving of the acts of slavery and if going that far I suppose I should hold no grudge if I am to expect the same kind of behavior of oppressive people.

I know that this is not to be expected of everyone and for those who change I can't expect them to do so quickly. I learned this when i was in therapy once. We were referencing my ex-girlfriend and I told my therapist that this part of my life made me realize that you can't make anyone do anything that they're not ready to do. last night I also realized that a lot of the complaining and the statements made about how she didn't believe in my ability to do certain things were due to the same kind of hatred although milder and on a personal and not global scale. I still check on her and see if she's made any progress. I don't interact with her though because it would do no good like the first time but now I do these things with new eyes. Hers is an example that if successful gives me hope for the rest of humanity because I don't know another person who is as stubborn as she with regard to 'the problem'.

Now at my job today things went too smooth. It makes me suspicious.

A Sincere Inquiry for White People

I just published the following note to facebook:

I realize that this may not get any responses but I am going to write it anyway. I'm too eager to stop being seen as a negative thing in society. Also, I've formed some suspicions that if expressed here explicitly or acted on seriously could land me in a psychiatric hospital.



What inspires this note is this past week at work. If any of my friends read my blog, which I removed the link from my profile because there are some disturbing things on there and I didn't want the attention of being labeled a loon, they know that I've been writing or attempting to write a scientific paper among some other more alarming ideas I've discussed in it. The central idea of the paper is the application of Weibull statistics to the particle size distribution of powdered paint that can be used for all types of grinding setups. The immediate goal is to do this for air classifiers and then for all types of grinders. I've already talked, briefly and in little detail, to the upper management about it and how I wish to publish these results once they're obtained in hopes of strengthening my graduate school applications. The thing that concerns me though is that despite them knowing about my B.S. in Physics and my ambitions they still avoid introducing me to the scientific work they already do, they pay me poorly, and they treat me just as poorly. I get the impression that I'm just another n-word to them.



This past Wednesday I was given a project as is usual work procedure. These projects entail weighing up a list of ingredients, mixing them well, extruding the mixure, grinding the resulting chips into powder, and lastly spraying the powder on small panels of steel to take for inspection. This is done any number of times until my supervisor decides that the product passes. Well this project I'm talking about had been given to my two co-workers who had done numerous samples in an attempt to get this project within specifications. On Thursday, my supervisor decided that the project had to be completed that day. On Wednesday, we spent the whole day without success attempting to get the project to pass with no success. I looked back at the trials my co-workers did and they were closer to passing than the newer trials my supervisor was giving me. In short, it was busy work since every subsequent trial I was asked to do was getting further away from the standard -- the sample the customer sends in for us to match. Now remember on Thursday the project had to pass but my supervisor was doing the same thing as he was on Wednesday. My guess is that he wanted to blame me for the project not passing and get me fired for it. I requested off Friday to take the GRE which I could write a similar note about but ......



Motivation for such behavior is that I had been more frequently mentioning my progress on the paper to the upper management who despise me as well. Also, I was eating breakfast in the break room one morning and one of the plant managers caught me in there. I was eating and working on the paper at the same time. He told me that me majoring in physics was intimidating. I said, "Really?!". Nothing else was said. The Human Resources Manager was present as well as a few others.



Now I've gotten through college with a B.S. in Physics. I'm not violent. I don't bother many people and I keep to myself. I'm pretty harmless. I actually keep quiet when perhaps I SHOULD talk. So I have a few questions for my white friends.



Why can't I have a fair shake?



Why is it intimidating that a black man is capable of doing physics?



Why is it a problem for a black man to succeed academically?



Why is race such a HUGE problem?



I really am seeking honesty. These questions are relevant, at least in my case, since I can give numerous examples of these types of things occurring in my own life even while I was still studying physics.

I am hoping to start a discussion of these issues in hopes of starting the end to racism.

Also, I have decided to give vegetarianism a try since one of the arguments of racism and slavery is that it is ok for the strong to rule over the weak. So if I eat meat I give the okay for another to enslave or discriminate against me. Also, I never really need to eat meat.

The Vigor Is Gone

Literally, the vigor is gone. I sold my old car to the junk man today.

Stepping Back To See The Big Picture

In my last post I revealed my suspicions about the possibility of mind reading and it being used against minorities, specifically blacks. I also talked about a possible second slavery. I doubt it would be like the first and if mind reading and, more frightening, mind control is going on I think it is already taking place. Of course, I've thought about the details of this but will not disclose them here at least yet.

What I came to talk about today is how do African-American problems fit into the global picture. I think it a very easy thing to feel like we are the only ones suffering, that our suffering is the greatest, and it is the only suffering that ever mattered. Other people have been slaves and ect. The question is what was going on in the world during African-American slavery. To us I'm sure it felt like it was THE only thing going on but to the world everything, I suspect, seemed to be moving right along as if nothing happened even in the then New World. Sure Whites were slave owners but they were still living with slavery being a minor concern just as farmers don't think much about his cattle's feelings. Whites still fought amongst themselves for whatever reasons. It is important to realize this.

This brings up another thought. This happens when someone sees that they have a clear advantage over someone else and decides to deprive them more instead of sharing the wealth. I wonder what makes the difference between the two kinds of people?

ETS

I really hate how naive I have been in the past but I'm waking up slowly. Back when I took the General GRE I didn't score all that well. I scored above average but not as good as I expected. I brushed it off because I figured that it was because I didn't really prepare. I'm scheduled to take it again this upcoming weekend and I'm preparing. I took a practice test and scored right around where I expected (higher than my ETS score). I really think that ETS has already predetermined your score BEFORE you take the test. This is so not cool. Nothing has really changed and I wouldn't be surprised if a second slavery was in the workings. I mean they have you spend your money and in the end they cheat you.

Now when I say that I wouldn't be surprised if a second slavery was in the workings I have very specific ideas about what is going on. Call me crazy, a conspiracy theorist, whatever, or both but I'm under the suspicion that white people have taken advantage of the fact that it is technologically possible to remotely detect and decipher brain activity. In plain language it is possible to read minds. Don't worry I'm not doing anything that will have me be forced into psychiatric care. I am carefully observing to see how true this is. I am also taking measures to protect myself( no I'm not wearing a tin foil hat ). I am also investigating it physically since I am a physics major.

Now as for ETS I wonder what can be done to get around this. I really think that I'm going to contact the NAACP about this. Hopefully I get back into school because one way to do it is to be an unbelievably good graduate student. That is, I will publish or have publishable results all throughout my graduate career. I'm already off to a good start with the one I'm working on at the moment. In addition to that I have four scientific ideas worthy of publication immediately in line after this one. Now don't get me wrong they won't be easy but IF the ideas are as fruitful as they seem then I'm ready to struggle.

Lastly, the black community needs to be more scientifically literate and to have a better appreciation for science.